And I was thinking to myself this could be heaven or this could be hell…

7 Oct

Many times I wondered if I’m better off leaving .ro. Don’t know exactly why, just because.
Every time seems to be another reason (mentalities are different and free, people are having fun without any prejudice, know the world, escape the reality from here, run away from responsibility as I understand it here, live my youth more uninhibited, be capable on my own, get into contact with people from all around the world, face another challenge, just be with myself, try to accomplish smth somewhere else bla bla).

It’s not that I don’t have a great life here, that I don’t manage with money, or that t don’t have anything left here or despise smth. Always, but always, when I go on holidays i have the feeling that I’m better suited to live somewhere else but in Romania no. You might say that holidays are holidays and the time is spent is relaxing, etc.

The idea of holiday is more “easy” and you get to know people more shallow and superficially, always kind, funny and the situation changes if you know them better and live amongst them, in good or bad times (God, NOT referring to the marriage stuff). Everyone is different and if you accept that, I think you are ready to live anywhere else.
It’s true that if I leave I’ll miss my family and friends really badly, but if you are certain that this is for you, you’ll try to make the best of it, your family and friends supporting on the side.

My “problem” is that I feel like I’m better off shifting my life as I know it till now (I’ve made the best from my life: family, funsies, friends, adventure, trips, work..) and try to go as I please, to earn life experience, be independent and spontaneous.

Even if I am convinced that I’m not missing smth really now, but I still need to find THAT smth else “out there”. I miss the control over my life I think. Still…“this could be heaven, this could be hell”…
Romanians judge the people all around them, relationships and connections they have are not important. We judge from how others are dressed, where they work, how much they earn, who they are with, what their friends are, what clubs they frequent to the extend of what they do, how they act. Everyone is under intense scrutiny and judgment. If we don’t act and be as they expect us to be, preconception and labeling soon follow.

I have to admit that I feel determined but I’m aware that this decision requires a lot of thinking and I made an exercise: why would I be afraid of going? I realized that I’ve some “points” to clear out for myself and check them out,…like:

– What if I get distant to the persons that really matter for me and who are here. Not talking about Twitter, Facebook, the blog and so on.. I mean the real interaction and support when I’m down, when I miss my family, friends, all the nice stuff (hanging out, family dinners, etc..);
– Afraid of not taking the right decision to be on my own in a foreign country
– Afraid that this decision could be based more on some other reasons like stubbornness and running away than rational thinking;

– What if I don’t manage to get on own there. Maybe I’m unlucky, maybe all will be very competitive, maybe I don’t find the things I need. It’s not like I’m under the impression that everything will be honey there..but still;

– Afraid of change. All the day-to-day stuff that I know now, will change;
– Afraid of starting over in some way. With a master, internship probably and then job hunting if I want to stay some more …

(to be continued I think..)

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5 Responses to “And I was thinking to myself this could be heaven or this could be hell…”

  1. Henkie October 8, 2009 at 7:10 pm #

    Sounds like a job at Petrogas….hihi

  2. mam October 12, 2009 at 11:09 am #

    Hell or heaven could be anywhere…here or there, this depends, to a great extend, on you…but especially on your way of thinking, on your way of seeing the life…

  3. Ruxi October 12, 2009 at 3:02 pm #

    After seeing other countries just in hollzdaz and now the experience of starting a daily life in another country, i can definetlz say that Romania is not for me anymore. I will always have something special for my country but I prefer to visit once in a while it instead of live it…

  4. Savannah October 17, 2009 at 2:55 pm #

    Awesome blog!

    I thought about starting my own blog too but I’m just too lazy so, I guess Ill just have to keep checking yours out.
    LOL,

  5. zynga facebook March 4, 2010 at 12:45 am #

    im frequently roaming throughout the internet the majority of the morning which means that I have a propensity to browse substantially, which unfortunately isnt commonly a beneficial option as some of the web sites I discover are constructed of unnecessary rubbish copied from some other internet websites a million times, however I gotta give you props this page is indeed not bad at all and even features a lot of authentic material, so thanks for splitting the trend of simply copying other peoples’ blogs, in case you ever want to take up a few hands of facebook poker together just send me a message – you have my e-mail 🙂

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