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LETTER TO … MYSELF

28 Mar

DEAR ME,

I’m sending this letter because i’m just worried about you.I know that from the beginning of this year you’ve been in a limbo phase and wanted to check up on you. These couple of months have been rather rough and edgy, you’ve been living life as you always wanted, intense, with many ups (and also downs), but with difficult choices, with experimental situations, but hey, that’s WHO YOU ARE. You keep saying this, but this doesn’t absolve you for every mess and complicated situation that you get yourself into or even find yourself in (when it already escaped from your control). It doesn’t free you from guilt or blame or their consequences.. someday you will just have to face the facts, face WHAT YOU WANT and stop being afraid of taking ONE MORE HARD&DIFFICULT CHOICE.

You attract many complicated situations and then you find yourself tangled, having no plan whatsoever, getting a hand of all these as you roll. Yes, that is who you are, but everyone should check up on himself once in a while and draw a between-phases conclusion.

Since i know you, you’ve always been between one or more complicated situations: either the choice was simple/dramatic maybe, or far/near, or permanent/temporary, etc you’ve been struggling for something and didn’t quite feel at ease with all your choices in the long run.

You are appearing and acting egoistic, doing everything that comes to your head, without considering all the facts and implications. you just do, act, live your life no matter what the costs “of living” like this are. I see through you. you aren’t THAT egoistic as you would like to be or would like to appear. If you were like that, you wouldn’t have struggled after taking the tougher choices, always questioning yourself on the side, seeing if you really can reward yourself with a “thumbs up” smiley..

You are egoistic and independent to an extend that you act on intuition and emotion rather on logic and don’t consider anyone or anything on the side, like a bull aiming for the red color. IN THEORY, you would like things to be more simple, but you are almost certain that this won’t turn you on or won’t keep you interested in the long run. You LOOK for complicated things, need that adrenaline rush from these on-the-edge-situations almost as you need snowboarding, paragliding, kitesurfing and motorcycling stuff!

I know you can take up and cope with any situation, because you find ANY EXPERIENCE WORTH TAKING AND RISKING in order to learn something new about yourself and about the others involved. what went wrong, what was good and, like any optimistic, you find always more goods than bads. in some almost twisted way you find the courage and power (!!) to congratulate yourself because you went through this.

You put yourself out there and learn on the move about you and about what you want. this may be a good thing. I always considered yourself to be more of a person who better regrets doing something at a certain moment (when THIS choice appeared to be the BEST ONE) than regretting NOT doing something, sometime. But this also may mean a bad thing. without mentioning that you can hurt exactly the people that you don’t want to hurt. You learn about what you want on the move, as you seek to keep up with every change in your life, learn about yourself … only being yourself and by letting yourself go at the same time.. sometimes you look like sleepwalking through your life and sometimes you are more sober and able that you ever thought you could be…

You are now scared of the many things that can go wrong AND of the many things that can go OK, but seem to be wrong also..Curiosity, emotion and this need of yours to discover new experiences and new limits got you here in the first place..

Clear out your head, lighted up and you should discover what you want and really need. Take the Paris trip as an opportunity both to forget and to consider yourself and yr impact on others. Do not overthink it or hesitate and be superficial. Let go and then maybe everything looks more simple. You are at a difficult crossroad and it’s high time you acknowledge that and act for damage control or just …be in control.

Keep me posted, hope to hear good news! whatever good news may mean at this time 😉

Sincerely,

ME

Una musica brutal…part 2

27 Nov

Nobody asks you anymore what kind of music you listen to.Some years ago this question was a real trademark. I think most of us are familiar with ASL,PLS thingy. After these two,immediately came “what music do you listen” which was considered a sure cause for ‘elimination’! If you managed ok, beyond this point everything was a piece of cake and a DEFINITELY MAYBE! 😀

Music frenzies are divided nowadays into two categories (especially in Romania): normal people who like music and have developed a music culture. PERIOD. And red necks who like gypsy music.  Please note that this has become an UNDERSTATEMENT in Romania..

We also have GOOD gypsy music, but i’m not talking about this kind, unfortunately.. You don’t really need to have ‘an eye’ for these things to have a look at someone and easily fit him/her in one of these 2 categories above…I’m mostly ashamed by the ‘general’ music in my country because some judge all of us cause we don’t get enough credit to the gypsies and don’t promote their culture…

I for one think that we GAVE and still GIVE TOO MUCH credit and the  trend of positive discrimination is taking over, as it still is wrongly understood. The uneducated part of the society and the general trend of gypsy-ism have transformed Romania into an outrageous and insulting reign of ‘manele’ ..!! (editors note-‘manele’ is the gypsies’ music, but not the traditional and authentic one unfortunately, but the type which combines Balcanic, Oriental, folk music with dance, pop ..well every other types of music we can possibly name. ‘Manele’ genre comes from ethic gypsy communities-‘Rromii’ in Romanian. But this type of ..music can be heard not only in gypsy communities, but in Romanians as well, as it resides in poorer urban and countryside communities)..

Una musica brutal…

26 Nov

First of all i would like to saythat staying at home these couple of days got me thinking to past times and the music i was listening a couple of years ago, the clubs i was frequenting, the friends/ the gang i was with etc. Yesterday i cleaned my iTunes Library and made myself a playlist of all time favorite songs I like to hear from time to time, arranged the albums and so on.. and i realized how much my taste in music has changed over the years. I always considered myself having the music culture ‘running through my veins’ and, depending on the mood i was in, i listened to a certain genre. Music is a culture that greatly reflects our way of being, our character and disposition.

I remember how i used to listen to music in high school and college..now, the iPod is stuck somewhere in the car, used only when at gym or when out of town. Radio in the car, radio at work 90% of time. In (high) school we gave each other tapes and later on CDs of favorite music, we made mix tapes with songs we loved and put in a special order just to say/express something we couldn’t..music was used then like a way of bounding a lot greater than it is today. Maybe because of the access we now have to music, maybe music is now too common and the tastes are too shallow..If you ask someone now what kind of music he listens, he maybe will give you an answer, but a really general one because ‘he likes many types of music”.

If you asked me especially in the last years of high school and first years of college, i spitted out at least one douzen Djs and several genres of electronic music that many even hadn’t heard about. I surprised then as i also took pleasure in listening rock for example. Back then we all were divided: rockers, hip hoppers, electonic music freaks or so on 🙂 Now the music is more refined and some may say that ‘you can even dance on it’ :)). our music at least!

So, i gave myself the courage to make a list of my mega giga extra favorite songs and put them in a special playlist which combines NOW with BACK THEN

Placebo – Running up that hill; Battle for the sun, Every you, every me ; Infra red;

Tiesto – Beautiful things, Adagio for strings, Love comes again

Armin van Buuren – In and out of love, Fine without you

Hurts – Wonderful Life, Illuminated

30 seconds to mars – Kings and queens, Closer to the edge

Phantom Planet – California

Red Hot Chili Papers – Californication, Scar Tissue, Under the bridge, Can’t stop

Deftones-diamond eyes

Sheryl Crow – Behind blue eyes

Gogol Bordello – Start wearing purple; Immigraniada ; Pala Tute; Think Locally, Fuck Globally

Scorpions – Winds of change

Empire of the Sun – Walking on a dream

Gotan Project – Una musica brutal

The Eagles – Hotel California

Death cab for cutie – Soul meets body

Breaking Benjamin – Diary of jane, Blow me away

Led Zeppelin – Stairway to heaven

U2 – With or without you, One, Sweetest Thing

Guns ‘N Roses – Sweet child of mine; November Rain

The Killers – Read my mind, When you were young

Pink Floyd – Another brick in the wall; Wish you were here, Comfortably Numb, One of these days

MGMT – Kids

Urma – Terminus, Buy me with a coffee

Manchester orchestra – I’ve got friends

Muse – Undisclosed desires, Resistance

(verrrryyyyy harddd to choose only a few songs) So, i reserve the right to continue the list :))

Photo source

Book day

31 Aug

I’ve seen lately that i don’t have enough time to read and sometimes when i feel like reading i don’t find smth really suited for exactly that moment. it’s bullshit and i realized yesterday it’s a lame excuse i keep telling myself as my nightstand (not to mention book stand) is  filled with already read books or ready to be read..

so, i needed a bump.

Starting today i enact a day per month or  every two months (it depends on how many books i bought last time and finish) to buy books!  online or from a book store. nevermind.  so, today was my first BOOK DAY and i spoiled myself by spending on two books! 😀

It will take a while until my order is here, but the books worth waiting. Anyway, i still have to finish the final chapter of  “Porno” by Irvine Welsh.

Book day 1:

  • What would Google do? here
  • God Explained in a Taxi Ride here

Ontopics:

– for finding good reviews and recommendations on books, check out Bookblog!

– for buying and also supporting social campaigns to encourage reading and so on, check out The World Changing Shop.  by bookblog.

Later edit

– for listening to interesting people talking about their favorites books, check out the Bookmark Project

relationship on. relationship off. hair and Fb status – checked!

21 Apr

i must admit that almost daily i’m surprised how much the social-networking sites changed our lives. it may sound platonic, but we need more and more (and acknowledge that need) to tell people (real friends/acquaintances, Fb friends, maybe to our entire 500+ list..etc) what we do that exact moment, what’s going through our pretty little heads, where we are, who we are with in terms of mates, what we recommend, job related twits and status updates…and the ‘new and exciting trend’ to reveal who we have a relationship with!

i mean come on! i’m a fan for putting myself ‘there’, so anyone can read my blog, see my pics, keep track of my status updates… I’m ok with that, that’s who i am, the PR in me needs to communicate, to reveal my experiences and life provocations, my ideas and resolutions.. All of these addressed to whom it may concern, of course..not to mention that is mainly and foremost a selfish way to escape of everything that crosses my mind, by writing it down.

I can live with news updates, simple posting..and enjoy them..but should i change my status the minute i’m in a relationship so everyone can see and know that? should i keep it simple by not mentioning anything at all? or should i select single or in a relationship with if that’s the case?

WHY, but why should i do that? why should i have a marital status selected?

Isn’t it enough that my friends keep anywayz track of me and the other people curiosities aren’t that important to me? .. the rest of the Fb “friends” being on “need-to-know basis”?!

there’s a catch in all of them: (not discussing here the engaged and married status-i think they are more plausible and actually more palpable..they are a distinct category namely because the changing of marital status comes when the big change is actually going on!)

– if i state i’m single, it’s clear = i’m looking for somebody and i MUST be known as single and unattached. i’m a party loving character and a some sort relationship seeker, eagerly want to keep all of my options open in order not to miss something on the horizon. Maybe i’ve just got out of a tight and kinda restrictive relationship and NOW i must whistle to everybody that i’m on the market again! surely when i’ll start a new relationship (or at least an attempt for one) and my new gf/bf notices my single status and asks me why i haven’t changed yet – and i say: ‘this old thingy? come on..this means nothing to me, i forgot to change it, baby’, but in fact i’ve delayed the moment of the conversation how long i’ve could.

– if i state i’m in a relationship with...= it means i want to “shout, let it all out, these are the things I CAN’T do without. come on, i’m talking not just to you, but to everybody!” i’m currently unavailable, so don’t you perform any kind of moves on me! i like to keep me and my gf/bf satisfied that he/she is the only one for me. You know, these days girls really dig this kind of “social-networking loyalty”.

– If somebody finally decides that’s high time to have such an in a relationship with .. status maybe he should think of the time when he isn’t in a relationship no more. i’m not pessimistic, nut realistic at the idea of changing from ‘in a relationship with‘ to again ‘single’ strengthens my point one “single status” insight of being on the market again!

Once you’ve acknowledged and announced that you are WITH somebody, you MUST announce again that you are now single, because everyone might remain with the first impression in their heads and you send mixed ideas when you make a hit on smbd!

It’s like putting tones of pics (or just one, the feeling is the same) with your “new and improved” and if the relationship turns 180 you may come to a time when you feel the NEED to pull out from your profile all those once happy-times-pics. not so bad and drastic, but it’s a step you don’t have to make if you didn’t once tigh yourself up when it wasn’t the time. pics there are cute all the way, until they aren’t anymore. simple as that and pointless effort, so i’ve learned..

why it’s so much of a big deal to state your status? isn’t it more simple not saying anything – pleaseee at least give me this! it’s enough that on Fb, twitter, messenger we update and change our status as we change our hair, like in the vodafone ad..but come on, does all my life needs to BE out there?

and no, i’m not using Facebook for reasons other than communicating with friends and be in the loop with their activities, events etc. if that thought crossed your mind! THIS is NOT a reason for selecting and changing your status!! i don’t believe that not so ever!

I don’t hide from others, i purely don’t like that this distinct and important part of my life (either in a relationship or single, both status are important) to be public as well and simply just be displayed there by clicking 2 buttons..

Maybe can be more to it than a status change and maybe a status change again (if you become single again :)). i for one think that “significant others” should feel important and special from other reasons, not a FB status change!

Accidentally i found on Mashable a very funny youtube movie stating how much fashionable is the marital status change!

via Mashable.com

After seeing plenty of Twittered marriage proposals, but a recent video posted to YouTube takes the cake for the most unconventional Twitter and Facebook updates:

Selection from Switzerland #1

19 Apr

Finally, i’ve managed to find some time to select and post on my Deviantart gallery a couple of pics from the Switzerland holiday (Dec 09-January 2010). More to come soon, as the ice was broken now 🙂

Results: Luzern city, one of the most beautiful  and a great panorama from Sigriswil, looking like The Eye of Mordor from LOTR.

Gallery Switzerland #take 1 🙂

Deviantart gallery

i wonder..?

6 Apr

i wonder how, i wonder why, yesterday you’ve told me ’bout the blue blue sky.. 🙂

i wonder:

– when i’ll have the time to select some pics from Switzerland to post here and on deviantart?

– when i’ll be more able to learn that some people won’t change and won’t appreciate more?

– when i’ll have more time for my family and friends?

– when i’ll try harder to see my objectives come true?

– when i’ll convince my parents to support me in buying a motorcycle? (thanks god they’ve accepted my passion and they are ok with riding a motorcycle anywayz..for me buying some time to actually buy one and for them to get used to the idea itself)

– how long i’ll still be reminded that there are distinct people who can leave an obvious mark on somebody’s life the same way one may leave a fingerprint on the scene of the crime?

– when i’ll have more time to dedicate to my hobbies? E.g. photography

– when and how i’ll be totally decided what choices are right for myself?

– when will my friends accept not to spam me for Easter/Christmas/New Years anymooore?! when will they learn that i don’t like that spamming text messages sent to the entire agenda?!
I’ll always prefer to call and talk directly than a copied or even forwarded impersonal text message! some even feel bad and ask me why i didn’t answer them back! What should i do,forward the same text just to be on the same pace? Or maybe that is important for him/her to count another text at the ^collection^ and feel so much ^attention^ ?
Oh well .. i don’t like to be in that stupid collection of copied from the internet and modeled text messages which artificially boost one’s importance and bring easy money to the mobile phone companies!
Not to mention that they might make you feel guilty that you may not be able or JUST DON’T WANT to answer back and be judged for not answering back!

From Nataliedee