Archive | incredibil RSS feed for this section

LETTER TO … MYSELF

28 Mar

DEAR ME,

I’m sending this letter because i’m just worried about you.I know that from the beginning of this year you’ve been in a limbo phase and wanted to check up on you. These couple of months have been rather rough and edgy, you’ve been living life as you always wanted, intense, with many ups (and also downs), but with difficult choices, with experimental situations, but hey, that’s WHO YOU ARE. You keep saying this, but this doesn’t absolve you for every mess and complicated situation that you get yourself into or even find yourself in (when it already escaped from your control). It doesn’t free you from guilt or blame or their consequences.. someday you will just have to face the facts, face WHAT YOU WANT and stop being afraid of taking ONE MORE HARD&DIFFICULT CHOICE.

You attract many complicated situations and then you find yourself tangled, having no plan whatsoever, getting a hand of all these as you roll. Yes, that is who you are, but everyone should check up on himself once in a while and draw a between-phases conclusion.

Since i know you, you’ve always been between one or more complicated situations: either the choice was simple/dramatic maybe, or far/near, or permanent/temporary, etc you’ve been struggling for something and didn’t quite feel at ease with all your choices in the long run.

You are appearing and acting egoistic, doing everything that comes to your head, without considering all the facts and implications. you just do, act, live your life no matter what the costs “of living” like this are. I see through you. you aren’t THAT egoistic as you would like to be or would like to appear. If you were like that, you wouldn’t have struggled after taking the tougher choices, always questioning yourself on the side, seeing if you really can reward yourself with a “thumbs up” smiley..

You are egoistic and independent to an extend that you act on intuition and emotion rather on logic and don’t consider anyone or anything on the side, like a bull aiming for the red color. IN THEORY, you would like things to be more simple, but you are almost certain that this won’t turn you on or won’t keep you interested in the long run. You LOOK for complicated things, need that adrenaline rush from these on-the-edge-situations almost as you need snowboarding, paragliding, kitesurfing and motorcycling stuff!

I know you can take up and cope with any situation, because you find ANY EXPERIENCE WORTH TAKING AND RISKING in order to learn something new about yourself and about the others involved. what went wrong, what was good and, like any optimistic, you find always more goods than bads. in some almost twisted way you find the courage and power (!!) to congratulate yourself because you went through this.

You put yourself out there and learn on the move about you and about what you want. this may be a good thing. I always considered yourself to be more of a person who better regrets doing something at a certain moment (when THIS choice appeared to be the BEST ONE) than regretting NOT doing something, sometime. But this also may mean a bad thing. without mentioning that you can hurt exactly the people that you don’t want to hurt. You learn about what you want on the move, as you seek to keep up with every change in your life, learn about yourself … only being yourself and by letting yourself go at the same time.. sometimes you look like sleepwalking through your life and sometimes you are more sober and able that you ever thought you could be…

You are now scared of the many things that can go wrong AND of the many things that can go OK, but seem to be wrong also..Curiosity, emotion and this need of yours to discover new experiences and new limits got you here in the first place..

Clear out your head, lighted up and you should discover what you want and really need. Take the Paris trip as an opportunity both to forget and to consider yourself and yr impact on others. Do not overthink it or hesitate and be superficial. Let go and then maybe everything looks more simple. You are at a difficult crossroad and it’s high time you acknowledge that and act for damage control or just …be in control.

Keep me posted, hope to hear good news! whatever good news may mean at this time 😉

Sincerely,

ME

Advertisements

relationship on. relationship off. hair and Fb status – checked!

21 Apr

i must admit that almost daily i’m surprised how much the social-networking sites changed our lives. it may sound platonic, but we need more and more (and acknowledge that need) to tell people (real friends/acquaintances, Fb friends, maybe to our entire 500+ list..etc) what we do that exact moment, what’s going through our pretty little heads, where we are, who we are with in terms of mates, what we recommend, job related twits and status updates…and the ‘new and exciting trend’ to reveal who we have a relationship with!

i mean come on! i’m a fan for putting myself ‘there’, so anyone can read my blog, see my pics, keep track of my status updates… I’m ok with that, that’s who i am, the PR in me needs to communicate, to reveal my experiences and life provocations, my ideas and resolutions.. All of these addressed to whom it may concern, of course..not to mention that is mainly and foremost a selfish way to escape of everything that crosses my mind, by writing it down.

I can live with news updates, simple posting..and enjoy them..but should i change my status the minute i’m in a relationship so everyone can see and know that? should i keep it simple by not mentioning anything at all? or should i select single or in a relationship with if that’s the case?

WHY, but why should i do that? why should i have a marital status selected?

Isn’t it enough that my friends keep anywayz track of me and the other people curiosities aren’t that important to me? .. the rest of the Fb “friends” being on “need-to-know basis”?!

there’s a catch in all of them: (not discussing here the engaged and married status-i think they are more plausible and actually more palpable..they are a distinct category namely because the changing of marital status comes when the big change is actually going on!)

– if i state i’m single, it’s clear = i’m looking for somebody and i MUST be known as single and unattached. i’m a party loving character and a some sort relationship seeker, eagerly want to keep all of my options open in order not to miss something on the horizon. Maybe i’ve just got out of a tight and kinda restrictive relationship and NOW i must whistle to everybody that i’m on the market again! surely when i’ll start a new relationship (or at least an attempt for one) and my new gf/bf notices my single status and asks me why i haven’t changed yet – and i say: ‘this old thingy? come on..this means nothing to me, i forgot to change it, baby’, but in fact i’ve delayed the moment of the conversation how long i’ve could.

– if i state i’m in a relationship with...= it means i want to “shout, let it all out, these are the things I CAN’T do without. come on, i’m talking not just to you, but to everybody!” i’m currently unavailable, so don’t you perform any kind of moves on me! i like to keep me and my gf/bf satisfied that he/she is the only one for me. You know, these days girls really dig this kind of “social-networking loyalty”.

– If somebody finally decides that’s high time to have such an in a relationship with .. status maybe he should think of the time when he isn’t in a relationship no more. i’m not pessimistic, nut realistic at the idea of changing from ‘in a relationship with‘ to again ‘single’ strengthens my point one “single status” insight of being on the market again!

Once you’ve acknowledged and announced that you are WITH somebody, you MUST announce again that you are now single, because everyone might remain with the first impression in their heads and you send mixed ideas when you make a hit on smbd!

It’s like putting tones of pics (or just one, the feeling is the same) with your “new and improved” and if the relationship turns 180 you may come to a time when you feel the NEED to pull out from your profile all those once happy-times-pics. not so bad and drastic, but it’s a step you don’t have to make if you didn’t once tigh yourself up when it wasn’t the time. pics there are cute all the way, until they aren’t anymore. simple as that and pointless effort, so i’ve learned..

why it’s so much of a big deal to state your status? isn’t it more simple not saying anything – pleaseee at least give me this! it’s enough that on Fb, twitter, messenger we update and change our status as we change our hair, like in the vodafone ad..but come on, does all my life needs to BE out there?

and no, i’m not using Facebook for reasons other than communicating with friends and be in the loop with their activities, events etc. if that thought crossed your mind! THIS is NOT a reason for selecting and changing your status!! i don’t believe that not so ever!

I don’t hide from others, i purely don’t like that this distinct and important part of my life (either in a relationship or single, both status are important) to be public as well and simply just be displayed there by clicking 2 buttons..

Maybe can be more to it than a status change and maybe a status change again (if you become single again :)). i for one think that “significant others” should feel important and special from other reasons, not a FB status change!

Accidentally i found on Mashable a very funny youtube movie stating how much fashionable is the marital status change!

via Mashable.com

After seeing plenty of Twittered marriage proposals, but a recent video posted to YouTube takes the cake for the most unconventional Twitter and Facebook updates:

sit back and really enjoy the ride

23 Mar

i don’t know what’s gone into me, but i’m dreaming with my eyes wide open to temporary move to Thailand for 3-4 months, depends on how long i’ll have the money. several events occured this past days and made me think of a “never ending holiday” in Thailand..

ever since i saw the movie “The Beach” back in 2000 i thought that that was indeed a place to live and i was overwhelmed by the beauty of the location! purely paradise on earth!

i never thought of myself as a person who will leave a big and active city (bucharest or another..) for a paradise like life in Thailand! maybe not forever, but my mind and body shivers only at the thought of this possibility and change in my life! i would want it to be like a initiatic life journey and an experimental way of life! sit back and really enjoy the ride and all the opportunities!

After experiencing Cuba and the Caribbean life, i purely and simply can declare that the rhythm of life colored my soul as nothing ever did! it was a feeling that i had even with two weeks before i left for Cuba. and the feeling stayed with me and never left me. this exact feeling i have with Thailand as if i already know this country and i eagerly want to come back there!

these days i discovered a blog of a Romanian living in Thailand and who is conducting his business from there. i really admire and envy his decision!  to leave Romania can be rather simple, but the backstage philosophy of leaving Romania for living and working in Thailand this is something remarkable, not to mention that work from over there has a new connotation!!

just imagine how it would be to answer emails and read the daily press from the porch of a beach bungalow overseeing the Gulf of Thailand! and to drink a cocktail laying in a hammock strapped between two palm trees!  not to mention the greatest parties ever – the world famous Full Moon Parties!!

i am rather set on the idea of spending at least one-2 months in Thailand this year or in the beginning of next year. If when i was in Cuba in 2006 it was easier from one point of view (not work involved, only academic stuff back then), if i’m going to leave for a period of time in Thailand, work here seems to be a critical undertake.

not hearing the rumor of the city, the anxiety of the people, the traditional traffic jams 24/7, the pessimistic voices, not seeing the grey of the buidings etc… but instead waking up and hearing the sea, the bluish water and sky, the gold sand, feeling and filling up with energy from all the parties…

I wonder how it is, for a change, to work from paradise 🙂 not a figure of speech for one’s company or employer 😀 , but really work from a place which represents so close my idea of paradise 🙂

simplu vs complicat

20 Apr

Cum am spus si in postul trecut, lumea e facuta din oameni simpli si complicati. Cei simplii prefera suprafata, cand tot ceea ce se poate imparti se imparte in alb si negru, iar ceea ce e profund, e ignorat si trecut in plan secund. Doar din dorinta de a gandi ne-complicat, de a te ascunde, de a nu-ti complica viata, de a nu lupta si de a gandi totul la prima mana. Cei simplii traiesc in imediat, intr-o hotarare si nehotarare permanenta, toate luate pe moment, in virtutea evenimentelor imediate la care iau parte si pe care le provoaca ca asa li se pare lor ca trebuie sa fie cursul evenimentelor. Sunt egoisti si traiesc in acest imediat, pana cand imediatul le rade in fata, iar clipa ii copleseste si tot ceea ce era alb sau negru nu mai poate fi demarcat clar.

Complicatii sunt cei analitici, care, mai mult decat oricand, doresc a da un sens fiecarui gest, de a interpreta si de a trece si a privi mai departe de aparente si ganduri la prima mana. Complicatii nu fug, iau lumea in piept si isi asuma responsabilitatea pentru ca a trai viata inseamna tocmai a-i tine piept si nu a abandona barca  atunci cand ti se pare ca ia un pic de apa. Si chiar daca ia apa, cauti mereu vesta de salvare intai, inainte de a sari in mijlocul oceanului. Oceanul pare la inceput cea mai buna solutie de scapare, de rezolvare a tututor problemelor, dar soarele arde si mai tare cand esti in apa, iar cineva nu poate inota prea mult fara vesta de salvare. Intotdeauna complicatii isi dezvolta potentialul, indiferent de circumstante, pentru ca stiu sa lupte si sa traiasca atat momentul, cat si ceea ce va veni dupa. Sunt educati in a stii ceea ce isi doresc si de a imprima vietii un anumit ritm, care bate din ce in ce mai tare, crescent, chiar daca la inceput abia se aude.

Simplii, prin comportamentul lor, sunt in stare sa strice tot. Nu se gandesc la consecinte, nu se gandesc la ei si la altii intr-un ALT moment decat atunci, iar deciziile vin si sunt luate in valtoarea evenimentelor. Se actioneaza la suprafata pentru ca la suprafata isi cauta justificarea actiunilor. Suprafata le confirma deciziile, ceea ce vor sa auda. Iar daca cineva vrea sa isi confirme ceva, atunci cu siguranta isi va confirma, va actiona in virtutea demonstrarii, nu in virtutea gasirii contrariului care ii deranjeaza si le destabilizeaza imediatul in care traiesc.

Cel putin pentru moment, vor cauta confirmarile la tot pasul, egoismul certificat in care trebuie sa isi demonstreze ca au procedat bine, pana cand realitatea vine peste ei si ii ia pe nepregatite, tocmai acel imediat in care se simteau foarte bine ii surprinde si atunci se gandesc ca ceea ce e la prima mana, nu e mereu valabil, nu este o reteta a fericirii si a ceea ce conteaza in final. Ritmul selor simpli e diferit, este un bum initial, apoi bum-ul se estompeaza, iar imediatul se obisnuieste cu ritmul si nu mai poate fi auzit.

Simplii nu comunica, iar cu cat se simt mai apropiati de cineva, cu cat le este mai greu sa comunice, pentru ca le este frica de interactiune, interactiunea inseamna instabilitate pentru ei, frica ca deciziile sunt destabilizate, ca vor fi influentati si ca CEVA-ul, pentru ei atat de simplu, brusc nu ar mai fi simplu si lor le-ar fi din ce in ce mai greu sa isi demonstreze ca procedeaza bine. Nu au nevoie de cineva care sa le infirme imediatul de care acum cred ca au atata nevoie.

Avem o tara, avem alegeri…cum procedam?!?

30 Nov

Avem o tara, avem alegeri…cum procedam?!?

Cand s-a facut publica lista de colegii uninominale Bucuresti mi-am zis: Ah ok, o sa fie usor de gasit… dar cum trebuie sa fiu surprinsa mereu cand ceva mi se pare usor, prima mea experienta pentru aflarea colegiului din care fac parte a fost cu ceva timp in urma si s-a terminat greu si dureros…

Dupa indelungi cautari pe Google (trimiteri catre site-uri ale unor ziare, dar niciun site oficial) am ajuns la disperare. Nu mai zic ca la primele cautari nu tu alegeri uninominale din noiembrie 2008, ci alegerile locale din iunie ..2008.. liste colegii, candidati – ioc.

Intr-un final, s-a strigat BINGO! Dau peste site-ul BEC (deloc printre primele rezultate pe Google). Click pe Bucuresti! FATALITATE – se deschide un PDF de 48 PAGINI, SCANATE DIN MONITORUL OFICIAL! Realizez repede ca SEARCH-ul NU FUNCTIONEAZA LA … O POZA de fapt..doh..AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

Rezultat: tasta Page Down blocata si nervi intinsi la maxim! Cand chiar credeam ca distractia s-a terminat, am avut “indrazneala” sa aflu si cine candideaza in colegiul meu!

evident, nu am gasit pe scan-ul din MO…

so…Google it again and again and again

ARE WE THERE YET?!?!

nope…lista candidati pe fiecare colegiu-cucu

intr-un final gasesc o lista, un site neoficial. Eu, sector 5, Colegiul 23 Camera Deputatilor, 10 pentru Senat. La Senat, mai treaca mearga. La CD..niste neica-nimeni pentru mine la mai toate partidele…inclusiv azi, ziua alegerilor. Campanie la mine in sector, ce am vazut doar pentru Senat. La CD nu s-au mai obosit.

Concluzie: daca nu ai net, nervi de otel, ochi de vultur si rabdare cu nemiluita, ce faci?! Din pacate, ignorance is bliss…si tare buna e vorba lui Badea: Traim in Romania si asta NE OCUPA TOT TIMPUL!

Campanie la mine in sector again: telefoane la miez de noapte de la roboti, cadouri electorale de prin dube, pensionari care se bat pentru pungi “electorale”,  mese “electorale” la restaurante, sms-uri afise rupte si mazgalite, campanii murdare si negative.

Am votat. Acum…Dumnezeu cu mila.

Oricum e o tactica ca nu ni s-au dezvaluit candidatii si a fost o abrambureala menita sa te scoata din minti si sa renunti la ..a te informa. Vot uninominal..doar cu ..numele… ca ajungi la urne si tot partidul preferat il alegi, indiferent de candidatul care de cele mai multe ori ramane un cvasi-necunoscut chiar si pentru cei care doresc sa se informeze! Cam cati or fi apelat la net ca sa afle macar cine candideaza? Oare in mediul rural cum o fi functionat…informarea?!?

Raspunsuri

7 Sep

Am ajuns la concluzia ca totul se intampla cu un motiv, iar prin acest “intamplat” evoluam si invatam. Exista zile cand nu se anunta nimic monumental, dar pana la sfarsitul zilei iti dai seama ca mare parte din cum iti imaginai ca vei fi in acea zi nu esti si ca toate sentimentele pe care ar “trebui” sa le tii, dau pe dinafara cand te astepti mai putin. Dar fix atunci cand astepti sa-ti dai un raspuns cel mai mult.

Imi era dor de sentimentul placut si demult uitat de “nu-mi vine sa cred”, de fiori si de intensitatea trairilor si atingerilor, de a avea “special” si de a recunoaste ca e real si ca a fost mereu acolo si ca poate fi si de acum inainte.

Oare avem nevoie de distanta ca sa devenim mai apropiati, si sa redescoperim sentimentul de “nu-mi vine sa cred” si ca fac “ceea ce trebuie” care e egal cu “ceea ce simti”? Sa realizezi ca a gresi si a da cu piciorul o data e omeneste, dar daca o faci a doua oara e prosteste? Sa realizezi ca te-au incercat sentimente in  momente cand totul era la fel, dar totusi atat de diferit?

Atunci cand totul devine si revine natural si chiar mai mult peste cum ti-ai imaginat vreodata ca va fi acel moment, atunci nu mai e scary. Pentru ca fie totul e natural, fie complicat, fie scary, fie scary de cat de complicat, natural si real e!!

E mai frumos natural, intens, dar complicat sau cand alegi the easy way…out? Daca dragostea nu ar fi atat de inexplicabila, imprevizibila si fascinanta, fructele nu i-ar mai fi atat de dulci si nu ne-ar da peste cap atunci cand ne asteptam cel mai putin, dar cand simtim cel mai mult!

Ne aflam singuri raspunsurile cand dam atentie sentimentelor cand ele chiar vor sa ne spuna ceva si suntem pregatiti sa auzim si sa nu mai ignoram ce au de zis.

Pe o gura de rai…Gura Portitei

31 Aug

Dupa un drum destul de lung strabatut singura…am ajuns la Jurilovca, punct de intalnire. Parcat masina la soare si platit pentru asta, negasit toaleta, dar gasit barcuta sa ne duca la Gura Portitei. Drum de o ora, pe lacul Razim. Exista bacul oficial, cu orar stabilit sau se poate lua vaporas particular, pret negociabil, in functie de cate persoane sunt si de disperarea grupului de a ajunge la Portita. Gura Portitei este o limba de nisip intre Marea Neagra si complexul lagunar Razim-Sinoe, cel mai frumos loc de pe litoralul romanesc dupa parerea mea.

Gura Portitei e cum era Vama acum ceva ani buni. Oameni prietenosi, cu sentimentul ca daca ai venit acolo “esti de-al lor”, sentiment de care imi era dor. Nimeni nu deranjeaza pe nimeni, toti eram la “Portita” si eram egali. Impartasim aceeasi mare, acelasi cer, aceeasi plaja, acelasi miracol din cer si apa, acelasi foc de tabara. Dupa “stilul” Croatia, imi era dor de cort, de o libertate “deosebita”, de rasaritul din mare, de liniste si de nevoia de a-mi auzi si intelege gandurile.

Este singura plaja pe care am vazut-o cu atatea scoici intacte si melci mari. Apa e curata, iar daca vantul bate dinspre mare, nu sunt nici tantari. In 4 zile nu am folosit deloc spray-ul pentru tantari, dar sa ziceam ca am avut noroc. La Gura Portitei nu gasesti “colorata maine-i gata”, nici “hai la porumb fiert” sau “namol de Techirghiol”, nici buticuri de gogosi. Pentru cazare, exista 3 optiuni: vila de 3 stele, casute pe plaja si cort. Cort daca e e bine sa fie intarit si intins bine din cauza vantului si pus mai departe un pic de mal. Plaja naturala de la Portita poate oferi surprize. Asta dupa propria experienta si alte relatari. Cu mancarea nu exista probleme mari, poti veni cu carne si cumpara si peste si face gratar pe plaja sau se poate manca la terasele din port. Bautura e o problema spinoasa. Trebuie carate baxuri din Jurilovca. Acolo e scumpa, de ex o sticla de apa la 0,5 e 4 ron. Ah..si nu exista altfel de sticle, doar la 0,5. Un mare avantaj il reprezinta cele 2 bai pe plaja, cu apa calda non-stop si gratis, nu ca-n Vama.

Sambata noaptea un mare foc de tabara pe plaja complexului anunta concertul de lipovence. Muzica, dans, voie buna. Nu mai auzisem muzica lor, dar este de-a dreptul fermecatoare. Toata plaja este prezenta si este chiar un spectacol fain si nu trebuie ratat.

Daca ajungeti la Gura Portiei, trebuie sa faceti baie noaptea. Ceea ce veti experimenta este spectaculos si destul de greu de exprimat in cuvinte, chiar si pentru mine. Luna rasare tarziu in noapte, iar cerul e plin de stele. In 3 nopti am vazut vreo 5 stele cazatoare si tot atatea dorinte mi-am pus. Pare ca cerul pica pe tine de greutatea atator stele. Cand am intrat pentru prima data in marea fosforescenta am crezut ca sunt intr-o poveste sau intr-un vis si inot prin lumina, printre stelele cazute din cer in mare! Aveam senzatia ca erau prea multe stele pe cer de cadeau in apa…este ceva fabulos sa ai tot corpul invaluit in lumina si sa iti faci loc printre “stele”… Impresionata profund, m-am documentat si am aflat ca fenomenul este denumit “lumanarea de mare” si este produs de planta Noctiluca miliaris.

Gura Portitei este un loc liber si prin de miracole, unde totul iti pare un vis din care nu iti mai doresti sa te trezesti. Parca timpul a ramas in loc cand te uiti la cer si cand intri in apa noaptea si inoti printre “stele”. Conteaza doar ceea ce e atunci si acolo si nimeni nu iti poate altera acel moment si sentiment cosmic de regasire, uitare si intensitate actuala. Am trait momente deosebite si am avut ocazia sa mai invat ceva despre asteptari, limite, dorinte, despre cum dau de gandit si cum “vad specialul” in oameni. M-am autocunoscut la intersectia cunoasterii altora. Experienta o voi purta mereu in suflet. Abia astept sa ma reintorc.

Theme song: Amy Mcdonald – This is the life. 🙂

Acum poze. Enjoy! 🙂