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LETTER TO … MYSELF

28 Mar

DEAR ME,

I’m sending this letter because i’m just worried about you.I know that from the beginning of this year you’ve been in a limbo phase and wanted to check up on you. These couple of months have been rather rough and edgy, you’ve been living life as you always wanted, intense, with many ups (and also downs), but with difficult choices, with experimental situations, but hey, that’s WHO YOU ARE. You keep saying this, but this doesn’t absolve you for every mess and complicated situation that you get yourself into or even find yourself in (when it already escaped from your control). It doesn’t free you from guilt or blame or their consequences.. someday you will just have to face the facts, face WHAT YOU WANT and stop being afraid of taking ONE MORE HARD&DIFFICULT CHOICE.

You attract many complicated situations and then you find yourself tangled, having no plan whatsoever, getting a hand of all these as you roll. Yes, that is who you are, but everyone should check up on himself once in a while and draw a between-phases conclusion.

Since i know you, you’ve always been between one or more complicated situations: either the choice was simple/dramatic maybe, or far/near, or permanent/temporary, etc you’ve been struggling for something and didn’t quite feel at ease with all your choices in the long run.

You are appearing and acting egoistic, doing everything that comes to your head, without considering all the facts and implications. you just do, act, live your life no matter what the costs “of living” like this are. I see through you. you aren’t THAT egoistic as you would like to be or would like to appear. If you were like that, you wouldn’t have struggled after taking the tougher choices, always questioning yourself on the side, seeing if you really can reward yourself with a “thumbs up” smiley..

You are egoistic and independent to an extend that you act on intuition and emotion rather on logic and don’t consider anyone or anything on the side, like a bull aiming for the red color. IN THEORY, you would like things to be more simple, but you are almost certain that this won’t turn you on or won’t keep you interested in the long run. You LOOK for complicated things, need that adrenaline rush from these on-the-edge-situations almost as you need snowboarding, paragliding, kitesurfing and motorcycling stuff!

I know you can take up and cope with any situation, because you find ANY EXPERIENCE WORTH TAKING AND RISKING in order to learn something new about yourself and about the others involved. what went wrong, what was good and, like any optimistic, you find always more goods than bads. in some almost twisted way you find the courage and power (!!) to congratulate yourself because you went through this.

You put yourself out there and learn on the move about you and about what you want. this may be a good thing. I always considered yourself to be more of a person who better regrets doing something at a certain moment (when THIS choice appeared to be the BEST ONE) than regretting NOT doing something, sometime. But this also may mean a bad thing. without mentioning that you can hurt exactly the people that you don’t want to hurt. You learn about what you want on the move, as you seek to keep up with every change in your life, learn about yourself … only being yourself and by letting yourself go at the same time.. sometimes you look like sleepwalking through your life and sometimes you are more sober and able that you ever thought you could be…

You are now scared of the many things that can go wrong AND of the many things that can go OK, but seem to be wrong also..Curiosity, emotion and this need of yours to discover new experiences and new limits got you here in the first place..

Clear out your head, lighted up and you should discover what you want and really need. Take the Paris trip as an opportunity both to forget and to consider yourself and yr impact on others. Do not overthink it or hesitate and be superficial. Let go and then maybe everything looks more simple. You are at a difficult crossroad and it’s high time you acknowledge that and act for damage control or just …be in control.

Keep me posted, hope to hear good news! whatever good news may mean at this time 😉

Sincerely,

ME

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Book day

31 Aug

I’ve seen lately that i don’t have enough time to read and sometimes when i feel like reading i don’t find smth really suited for exactly that moment. it’s bullshit and i realized yesterday it’s a lame excuse i keep telling myself as my nightstand (not to mention book stand) is  filled with already read books or ready to be read..

so, i needed a bump.

Starting today i enact a day per month or  every two months (it depends on how many books i bought last time and finish) to buy books!  online or from a book store. nevermind.  so, today was my first BOOK DAY and i spoiled myself by spending on two books! 😀

It will take a while until my order is here, but the books worth waiting. Anyway, i still have to finish the final chapter of  “Porno” by Irvine Welsh.

Book day 1:

  • What would Google do? here
  • God Explained in a Taxi Ride here

Ontopics:

– for finding good reviews and recommendations on books, check out Bookblog!

– for buying and also supporting social campaigns to encourage reading and so on, check out The World Changing Shop.  by bookblog.

Later edit

– for listening to interesting people talking about their favorites books, check out the Bookmark Project

Earlier New Year’s resolutions

23 Nov

last night, in the middle of the bed, while watching Flash Fw and eating baked apples with cinnamon and honey bumm – something got me thinking..

now that i’ve created the atmosphere, i should cut to the chase -> i realized that i should do smth different, change and reinvent myself, be more oriented towards future (not only living and thinking so much in the present tense).

So, the objectives should be the starting point in planning. eh, professional flaw maybe.

And yes –  my New Year’s resolutions came earlier !?! :)))

like we are doing the budget for 2010 now, i’m figuring out what i want from 2010, what should be my investment and what are the outcomes on “all” levels: professional, personal and academic.

I realized that i need to be done with living so much in the present, it’s great but in the long run maybe this way of thinking won’t pay up as i expected. just maybe. i should think more of what i want and need to do in order to get where/what i want.

this is high time that i should make my own commitments and figure out what i really want. i am satisfied with me right now, but if i think of a certain point in the nearby future, this “me” now maybe be not enough.

so, i’ve thought of prioritizing, about the “specific objectives” that help me achieve the general ones and allow to focus and stay focus on what is/ SHOULD be most important to me from the time being and for nearby future.

Mac user. Kudos to me!

17 Nov

Hey. My name is Simona and i’m a Mac user! Hello Simona!

I’m totally going to brag in this post. That’s just a forewarning. My first phone conversation and surfing the net for apps, forums and stuff about Mac experience

And no, not a Mc user, but a MacPro user :))

It was love at first sight. It started out like any typical Monday evening. That exact day, on my way home, i heard on the radio a Mac ad something about a sale in .ro shops. I thought this is interesting since i have been thinking about buying a Mac for a couple of weeks and i should check it out.  The surprise was that the Mac came to me in advance, waiting for me at home, in fact. 😀

A new, shinny, 15” MacBook Pro and a Magic Mouse! kudos to me!!! 7 hours battery on a single charge. shinny and silverish 😀 4 giga ram, still so shinny… coafura rezista :)) enough on the technicals.

I’ve always known that it will come to this.. Lately, since i’ve been overwhelmed by info on Mac, i have a dilemma: should i buy Office for Mac or iWorks? I know that all that starts with an “i” it’s better for Mac, but still.. i’m a hard user of office tools and the last thing i need is compatibility problem on i’ll move documents between iWork and MS Office.  i like iWorks obviously a hell out more – it’s easy to use and looks a tonne better that office!

but i’ve heard that if i work in a  cross platform environment, there is simply no better solution than using a Mac version of Office.. even if it will come  as a surprise and maybe is a little upsetting if you are a Mac centric dude. Office is told to make the job more easier and “faster” than it gets iWorks to convert a doc, prepare it for office compatibility.  phiu and as this wasn’t enough, i heard about a third option NeoOffice..?

Anyway, you should get a glimpse on how my blog looks now on Mac 😀

New Mac ad

And i’m on the move!

And I was thinking to myself this could be heaven or this could be hell…

7 Oct

Many times I wondered if I’m better off leaving .ro. Don’t know exactly why, just because.
Every time seems to be another reason (mentalities are different and free, people are having fun without any prejudice, know the world, escape the reality from here, run away from responsibility as I understand it here, live my youth more uninhibited, be capable on my own, get into contact with people from all around the world, face another challenge, just be with myself, try to accomplish smth somewhere else bla bla).

It’s not that I don’t have a great life here, that I don’t manage with money, or that t don’t have anything left here or despise smth. Always, but always, when I go on holidays i have the feeling that I’m better suited to live somewhere else but in Romania no. You might say that holidays are holidays and the time is spent is relaxing, etc.

The idea of holiday is more “easy” and you get to know people more shallow and superficially, always kind, funny and the situation changes if you know them better and live amongst them, in good or bad times (God, NOT referring to the marriage stuff). Everyone is different and if you accept that, I think you are ready to live anywhere else.
It’s true that if I leave I’ll miss my family and friends really badly, but if you are certain that this is for you, you’ll try to make the best of it, your family and friends supporting on the side.

My “problem” is that I feel like I’m better off shifting my life as I know it till now (I’ve made the best from my life: family, funsies, friends, adventure, trips, work..) and try to go as I please, to earn life experience, be independent and spontaneous.

Even if I am convinced that I’m not missing smth really now, but I still need to find THAT smth else “out there”. I miss the control over my life I think. Still…“this could be heaven, this could be hell”…
Romanians judge the people all around them, relationships and connections they have are not important. We judge from how others are dressed, where they work, how much they earn, who they are with, what their friends are, what clubs they frequent to the extend of what they do, how they act. Everyone is under intense scrutiny and judgment. If we don’t act and be as they expect us to be, preconception and labeling soon follow.

I have to admit that I feel determined but I’m aware that this decision requires a lot of thinking and I made an exercise: why would I be afraid of going? I realized that I’ve some “points” to clear out for myself and check them out,…like:

– What if I get distant to the persons that really matter for me and who are here. Not talking about Twitter, Facebook, the blog and so on.. I mean the real interaction and support when I’m down, when I miss my family, friends, all the nice stuff (hanging out, family dinners, etc..);
– Afraid of not taking the right decision to be on my own in a foreign country
– Afraid that this decision could be based more on some other reasons like stubbornness and running away than rational thinking;

– What if I don’t manage to get on own there. Maybe I’m unlucky, maybe all will be very competitive, maybe I don’t find the things I need. It’s not like I’m under the impression that everything will be honey there..but still;

– Afraid of change. All the day-to-day stuff that I know now, will change;
– Afraid of starting over in some way. With a master, internship probably and then job hunting if I want to stay some more …

(to be continued I think..)

Flash news

26 Aug

Am luat permisul pentru A! hooray!

Dupa vreo 4 luni de scoala (multe pauze, intreruperi, concediu) am reusit sa ma programez si sa iau sala+traseu (azi, la Ilioara)!

A fost o scoala muncita, fugarita cand de la serviciu spre moto cand invers! nu ma grabeam sa fac repede repede scoala si sa ma stresez intr-o luna ca oricum motoreta pana in nov-dec nu pot sa imi iau. Deci de acum, pentru ziua mea si de Craciun, pe wish list trec un kit de lant, un cauciuc, niste oglinzi, niste genunchere, ORICE! :)) poate il fac din puzzle asa :))

Saluti bani aruncati pe haine si alte distractii, acum strangem cureaua, oricum destul de stransa dupa concediu asta asa prelungit si cheltuielile de scoala, echipament etc! 🙂

Dar acum am un nou target…nu de vanzari, ci de economii! :)) culmea!

Cat despre scoala, o recomand cu placere mai departe! Este vb de scoala lui Cristi Bratovici din Sema Park. Sunt 2 instructori foarte de treaba, rabdatori si de incredere (Cristi si Bobita). Faci pana reciti pe de rost traseul de examen si faci si indemanare, atat cat se poate face intr-un poligon. Au motorete ok, favoritul meu ramane TW-ul care era zdravan pentru traseele de indemanare. E mai scumpa scoala aici decat in alte locuri, dar merita.

in rest, asfalt uscat! 😀

Back from Portugal!

20 Aug

Back from Portugal that is! A fost ff frumos! plaje misto, casute faine, multe fructe si peste, am inotat pana n-am mai putut in larg si catre stanci si plaje salbatice, gen fragmente din Lagura Albastra si The Beach! suuuuuper!

In curand multe poze si un review!

Pana atunci va dau cam atat:

Portugalia in cifre:

23 orase

3000 km

1700 de poze ale mele + 500 Gabi

8 ore de zbor

etc, sa ma mai gandesc 🙂