Tag Archives: mindquake

LETTER TO … MYSELF

28 Mar

DEAR ME,

I’m sending this letter because i’m just worried about you.I know that from the beginning of this year you’ve been in a limbo phase and wanted to check up on you. These couple of months have been rather rough and edgy, you’ve been living life as you always wanted, intense, with many ups (and also downs), but with difficult choices, with experimental situations, but hey, that’s WHO YOU ARE. You keep saying this, but this doesn’t absolve you for every mess and complicated situation that you get yourself into or even find yourself in (when it already escaped from your control). It doesn’t free you from guilt or blame or their consequences.. someday you will just have to face the facts, face WHAT YOU WANT and stop being afraid of taking ONE MORE HARD&DIFFICULT CHOICE.

You attract many complicated situations and then you find yourself tangled, having no plan whatsoever, getting a hand of all these as you roll. Yes, that is who you are, but everyone should check up on himself once in a while and draw a between-phases conclusion.

Since i know you, you’ve always been between one or more complicated situations: either the choice was simple/dramatic maybe, or far/near, or permanent/temporary, etc you’ve been struggling for something and didn’t quite feel at ease with all your choices in the long run.

You are appearing and acting egoistic, doing everything that comes to your head, without considering all the facts and implications. you just do, act, live your life no matter what the costs “of living” like this are. I see through you. you aren’t THAT egoistic as you would like to be or would like to appear. If you were like that, you wouldn’t have struggled after taking the tougher choices, always questioning yourself on the side, seeing if you really can reward yourself with a “thumbs up” smiley..

You are egoistic and independent to an extend that you act on intuition and emotion rather on logic and don’t consider anyone or anything on the side, like a bull aiming for the red color. IN THEORY, you would like things to be more simple, but you are almost certain that this won’t turn you on or won’t keep you interested in the long run. You LOOK for complicated things, need that adrenaline rush from these on-the-edge-situations almost as you need snowboarding, paragliding, kitesurfing and motorcycling stuff!

I know you can take up and cope with any situation, because you find ANY EXPERIENCE WORTH TAKING AND RISKING in order to learn something new about yourself and about the others involved. what went wrong, what was good and, like any optimistic, you find always more goods than bads. in some almost twisted way you find the courage and power (!!) to congratulate yourself because you went through this.

You put yourself out there and learn on the move about you and about what you want. this may be a good thing. I always considered yourself to be more of a person who better regrets doing something at a certain moment (when THIS choice appeared to be the BEST ONE) than regretting NOT doing something, sometime. But this also may mean a bad thing. without mentioning that you can hurt exactly the people that you don’t want to hurt. You learn about what you want on the move, as you seek to keep up with every change in your life, learn about yourself … only being yourself and by letting yourself go at the same time.. sometimes you look like sleepwalking through your life and sometimes you are more sober and able that you ever thought you could be…

You are now scared of the many things that can go wrong AND of the many things that can go OK, but seem to be wrong also..Curiosity, emotion and this need of yours to discover new experiences and new limits got you here in the first place..

Clear out your head, lighted up and you should discover what you want and really need. Take the Paris trip as an opportunity both to forget and to consider yourself and yr impact on others. Do not overthink it or hesitate and be superficial. Let go and then maybe everything looks more simple. You are at a difficult crossroad and it’s high time you acknowledge that and act for damage control or just …be in control.

Keep me posted, hope to hear good news! whatever good news may mean at this time 😉

Sincerely,

ME

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mindquake

8 Nov

I didn’t know that i can be so affected sometimes, that i can be so vulnerable when i face events that come unexpected and which i underestimated their impact on myself. i was never good at having patience, on focusing on a certain event in the nearby future and controlling the present so that i will finally get to THAT moment/event.

even if i am so optimistic, sometimes i find it difficult to put on my “things will turn out fine” face/attitude … i like the present tense, i always enjoy going with the flow… still, my control freak part is also kicking in when things are really hard to be estimated and tend more to be towards ‘possible’ and not towards ‘sure’.

sometimes i minimize or maximize the situations and expect everybody to understand what i’m saying and level up with me. i realise that things can catch me off guard, though i caused them by saying what’s on my mind, what i think of that situation, what bothers me, so on.. i assumed this, but i didn’t expect to be such a mind/heartquake. gee, i still wait for replicas :)) what i thought to be smth soft, with no immediate influence on me , but both with some “history” and “action”, i found out that the magnitude was considerable..huh?!

En dit is belangrijk voor mij, though i haven’t realised it at its magnitude until now..